While my care was employed in guarding against one fault, I was often surprised by another. - Ben Franklin
Only now let us remember once more that God is to be our portion, and that knowingly and willingly we trust our lives and those of our children to Him; if He fails, we are done for; but how can He fail?
- C.T. Studd to his wife
One morning she awakened with a sore throat. She and her husband had a disagreement before he left for work. The children were hard to awaken for school and grumpy at breakfast. As she gathered them together around the kitchen table and went through the motions of a prayer time before the day's lessons, a dull headache began to throb behind her eyes. An hour later, she was muddling her way through a page of Algebra I with her irritable teenager when her toddler ran into the room and tripped, dumping an entire glass of milk onto the floor.
It was all too much, and she erupted. She berated both children as she sopped up the mess from the carpet, knowing neither of them deserved it. The little one began to cry. Her teen looked away, reproach written upon his tense face. Stunned by the fierceness of her outburst, she dissolved into tears and retreated to the bathroom, completely undone by the realization she had Failed Again.
This was not what she had imagined it would be like to homeschool. She wondered if her parents were right. Maybe she didn't have the patience to work with her own children. Everyone had warned her that she would ruin them. Was her pride keeping her from doing what was best for the family?
She sank to her knees on the cold bathroom floor and sobbed. Just two words beat against her brain: What now?
Nobody's perfect here.
Though the story above is fictional, it comes much too close to describing how many days went down during our twenty-four years of homeschooling, not because we didn't care, but because we wanted so much to do it right. Parents who choose to educate their children at home are typically conscientious people who demand much of themselves. They feel intense pressure to "produce," occasionally fueled by the criticism and watchful eyes of family and friends. Having made plain either their spoken or unspoken disapproval of the public school system, they now feel intense pressure to do better.
It's easy to criticize a system, but when that system has been challenged, suddenly it becomes a formidable giant against which to compare one's own efforts.
The usual chores and stresses of life won't automatically recede to make time and energy for the extra effort required for homeschool. No matter how we strive for a flexible and fun schedule, there are going to be days of mental stress, interruptions, and disagreements.
Each child, being fearfully and wonderfully made and all, has been gifted with his own unique personality. Being together for most of the day every day will inevitably reveal personality conflicts of some degree. Problems seething under the surface for some time will suddenly rise to the forefront and blast a hole in a parent's heart. Like a kettle of precious metals over the refiner's fire, the pot often threatens to boil over and those ugly impurities begin to surface.
Is this bad? Not at all! Those impurities were already there, whether we knew it or not. Probably the most surprising thing about homeschooling is what we learn about ourselves. We are also being schooled in the prism of grace.
The answer to What now is not to run from failure, but to learn from it.
In his letter to the Roman church, Paul explained that within each believer rages two natures at war: the sinless, inner man who has been redeemed by Jesus Christ, and the old man, who operates through the desires of the flesh. The new man does not sin 1. and is tormented by the selfish old man. Our real, redeemed inner souls are released from this corruptible nature either by physical death or the coming resurrection, when we receive a new, incorruptible body. 2.
Until the day of our release, are we doomed to everlasting failure and bondage to the filthy old nature? Of course not! By the daily crucifying ("I die daily") of the old nature, we let the new man reign through Christ.
Thanks to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! There is therefore now no condemnation for those wo are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.
Romans 7:25; 8:1-2
Is this freedom a license to sin? No, but it releases us from the guilt and self-condemnation that rushes in after repentance, when we have disappointed ourselves, our loved ones, and our God. We always have the hope of a fresh beginning, a new day. We can always start again.
The heat is a necessity.
J.C. Brumfield, in his wonderful little booklet Comfort for Troubled Christians, explains how trial is the fire the Holy Silversmith builds under our earthly kettle. This kettle contains two substances, the precious silver, and the worthless dross. As the fires of trouble burn hotter, our Master, like the silversmith, stands near the kettle, watching to ensure the fire never gets too hot.
In the heat, the dross of our sinful natures separates from the silver and rises to the surface. The Holy Spirit shows us these sins, not to condemn us, but to convict us for righteousness' sake. Each time we repent and turn away from a sin, some dross is skimmed off. Thus we, like the precious metal, are purified.
How did the silversmith of old know when the silver was ready? When he could see his reflection in the surface of the silver. Through the heat of each trial, we are being refined until our very lives shine with the reflection of God's image.3.
For Thou hast tried us, O God;
Thou hast refined us as silver is refined.
- Psalm 66:10
The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold,
But the LORD tests hearts.
- Proverbs 17:3
Take away dross from the silver,
And there comes out a vessel for the smith....
- Proverbs 25:4
Therefore, if a man cleanses himself from these things,
he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.
- 2 Timothy 2:21
So, what happens now?
When we mess up, we own up to it, ask for forgiveness, and start again. The lessons learned will far outweigh whatever we could have gained from Algebra I.
1. Romans 7:17, 20
2. 1 Corinthians 15: Romans 8:23
3. J.C. Brumfield, Comfort for Troubled Christians (Chicago, Illinois: Moody Press, 1961), pp. 4-14.
