The Gift of Existence

It would have been easier to die.

Kevin Thorson lay paralyzed in the grass of a church lawn in Canada, unable to move or breathe. Moments earlier, he missed a rotation while practicing backflips with a friend. He fell on his head and broke his neck nearly at his skull. As the friend ran for help, he lay there alone, fading into blackness as he fell unconscious.

He told us later that it was at the moment he felt himself near death that the presence of God came to him. The sense of the next world was intensely powerful, forever making this side of the veil seem the impostor. It would have been quick, even merciful, to have slipped quietly away to join God.

God wasn't there to take Kevin to heaven, though.

Instead, He had a message for Kevin. A voice so real Kevin thought it was audible told him, “You’re going to be okay.”

He awakened not okay. He was in a desperate fight for his life. Emergency personnel worked feverishly to keep him alive until he could be put on life support. He endured a helicopter ride to a larger hospital in Calgary, a doctor’s push for euthanasia, surgeries, pneumonia, bronchoscopy, paralysis, loss of privacy, and much pain in the first weeks before he returned home.

Later he endured serious infections landing him in intensive care. He had more surgeries for kidney stones. He spent two years on the ventilator before weaning off it during his waking hours, a feat declared an impossibility by his doctors. 

He regained more than they expected, but not enough for a normal life.

The loss was profound. It came in layers as the reality of the depth of his disability struck home. Some days he grieved over the dreams he would never see realized. Other days he longed for just the feel of grass beneath his feet again.

As victories came, like breathing on his own and taking his first steps and running a computer, his soul began to revive. He began to truly appreciate being alive. Watching him struggle to live out his faith despite profound brokenness, I began to see how completely God had brought to pass what He promised Kevin: 

He would be okay.

Existence, in all its facets, is a gift.

It is the man who has been told he would never breathe on his own who appreciates the feeling of air in his lungs.

It is the man who has endured great pain who appreciates a day when his body is at peace.

It is the man who once lost all feeling who takes joy in the warmth of the sun on his arms, the softness of a kitten’s fur beneath his fingers, and his legs under him again as he takes his first shaky steps.

It is the man who has had everything taken away who treasures anything given back.

Only when faced with loss do we truly understand the value of life.

To exist is to be. We are made in mirror image of our Creator, who calls Himself the great “I AM.” We were made to experience. We were made to feel, to love, to laugh, to hurt.

Those who say, “I would never want to live like that” must give room to those who do want to live, even if it is “like that.” The disabled and the vulnerable and the aged and the pre-born have no duty to die because their existence is inconvenient for others.

Yes, it would have been easier for Kevin to die that awful day in 1997. But what richness of life we would have missed in knowing him! The world is a better place because he exists.

Easier is not the same as better.

If you have ever contemplated how much easier it would be to be dead, talk to Kevin. He will tell you the gift is worth the fight. Check out the website Kevin founded and manages today. He is the owner/administrator of CMADDICT.com, a premier source of free Christian music and more. He would be glad to talk to you.

Photo Courtesy Grace Thorson 2023

15 Scriptures that Inspire Us to Live Boldly for God

When our days are gray, there's nothing like God's Word to remind us of God's strength and comfort. When we remember all He is and all He does for us, we are inspired to trust Him and to live boldly for Christ. Refresh and embolden your day with these fifteen verses from the Bible. (All Scriptures are taken from the New American Standard Bible.)

The Lord is my strength and song,
And He has become my salvation;
This is my God, and I will praise Him;
My father’s God, and I will extol Him.
-Exodus 15:2

I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
-Psalm 16:8

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 18:2

O taste and see that the Lord is good;
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
-Psalm 34:8

Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
-Psalm 55:22

In my trouble I cried to the Lord,
And He answered me.
-Psalm 120:1

On the day I called, You answered me;
You made me bold with strength in my soul.
-Psalm 138:3

The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
The righteous runs into it and is safe.
-Proverbs 18:10

Behold, God is my salvation,
I will trust and not be afraid;
For the Lord God is my strength and song,
And He has become my salvation.
-Isaiah 12:2

The Lord is good,
A stronghold in the day of trouble,
And He knows those who take refuge in Him.
-Nahum 1:7

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
-Matthew 11:28

Looking at them, Jesus said, “With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”
-Mark 10:27

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.
-John 14:27

Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
-1 Peter 5:7

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
-James 1:2-4

When We Reach for Uncommon Goals

It is shortly after midnight when I am awakened by the shrill beep of the backup battery at my bedside. 

As my brain struggles to emerge from of a deep sleep, a shudder runs through me. That sound can only mean that our power is out again.

We live in rural Idaho, a beautiful place teeming with wild critters (most of whom are actual animals) and nature. But sometimes nature betrays us here. And when it does, it's often the spring storms that plunge us into the dark. Twice this month, wind and rain have taken out our power.

And because our adult son Kevin has depended on a ventilator to sleep since his spinal cord injury in 1997, a power outage is a big problem for us. After his accident left him paralyzed from the neck down, Kevin was initially completely vent-dependent. But he surprised the medical world by regaining much feeling and movement. After two years of needing the ventilator for every breath, he was able to wean off for all his waking hours. He stills goes back on the ventilator at night. Without it, he can't sleep.

In the beginning, every power outage panicked us. 

It meant "bagging" him by hand with the same type of ambu bag used by emergency personnel until the electricity was restored. After he could breathe on his own, it meant staying awake until we had power again.

Over the years, we bought a couple of generators in an effort to find a way to let Kevin sleep in an emergency. These were cumbersome and loud. We graduated to deep-cell batteries and a pure sine inverter with which to keep his equipment safely running through the outages.

But an outage meant someone had to know how to switch everything over to battery power. Even with short-term battery backup until we got the other equipment in place, it was still cumbersome.

So Kevin began researching solar power. He did all the research himself, consulting with techs and combing through reviews and YouTube DIY videos. He spent hours learning how solar power works and the best system to safely power sensitive medical equipment.

It took him two years to assemble the needed supplies. He and his father brainstormed how to set up the system for the most efficient and safe conversion of sun power to electricity. They made the system off-grid so there would be no possibility of dangerous feedback to the power lines.

Hello, Idaho; nature calls.

Recently the system was finished, and before we even had a chance to take it on a test run, nature provided the opportunity. When the power flickered and died shortly after midnight. Kevin's dad Aaron, who stays up every night to ensure Kevin's safety on the ventilator, made the changeover to the solar-powered battery with a couple of switches.

To our relief, the system worked perfectly. Kevin stayed on the ventilator all night, and by the time he got off it, the system had already recharged the batteries, so they were ready for another night.

This week, it happened again. 

Once again, the system performed without a hitch.

Kevin has made a couple of additions that now allow him to safely charge his smaller devices, such as his phone and touch-pad, directly from the battery bank.

This morning, I'm grateful for a son who has taken intelligent charge of his own safety. I'm grateful for a husband who was willing to be his hands and feet in building the system. I'm thankful for the opportunity to watch them work together for a common goal. I'm inspired by this example of caregiving at its purest, as I watch a father assist his disabled son reach uncommon goals.

Tonight, other trials may keep me awake. But Kevin's independent spirit has made it possible to sleep better, knowing he will.