Thank a Family Caregiver this November!

 

Our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members. 

-Pearl Buck

Each year, November is designated as National Family Caregivers Month, a fitting time to remember with gratitude those who give their lives to care for others. In this season of reflection on our many blessings, most of us can think of someone whose sacrificial work has enriched our lives and the lives of those we love.

Family caregivers are a national treasure, easing the caregiver crisis while ensuring the well-being and health of a beloved family member. Their job is a hard and often thankless one. They are the unseen backbone of society: parents, grandparents, in-laws, children, siblings, and other family members who set aside their own dreams to care for the defenseless and vulnerable.

Caring for those who can't care for themselves are the hands and feet of the Savior Himself, reaching out to the broken. The price is high; the joys immeasurable. We serve the best and highest in humanity when we stand beside those who cannot fight for themselves.

This month, as we thank God for His mercy and blessings, take a moment and thank God for the caregivers. I'm sure they'd appreciate a prayer, too.

https://atkinsbookshelf.wordpress.com/2018/02/21/famous-misquotations-a-civilization-is-measured-by-how-it-treats-its-weakest-members/

Christmas Cards Are Looking Iffy again This Year

 

Holidays can be hard on caregivers and families.

It's the last week before Christmas, and a stack of Christmas cards sits unsigned on my desk. My dreams of homemade fudge and divinity are melting under the heat of the day's urgencies. Stirring up a batch of our family's traditional lefse has been pushed to a "maybe" for New Year's. The reality is I'll be doing well to get the presents wrapped in time to open.

'Tis the season.

Parents and caregivers always told to "take care of ourselves," but that's a sketchy task most of the year and more impossible than usual during the holiday season. The extra effort involved just to make a batch of cookies can be daunting, even for those who love Christmas as much as I do.

Nostalgia creates a haunted road this time of year.

Reliving Christmas past can be comforting. It can also bring to the forefront all that we have lost. For those who have buried loved ones or are adjusting to other life changes, living in a new normal filled with loss can be overwhelming. How can we cherish the memories without letting them throw us into depression?

The manger awaits.

Christmas is about one thing: Celebrating the birth of our Savior.

Jesus came to deliver us from an empty existence on Earth and an eternity of torment without Him. Christmas equals Hope. Christmas is the reason people suffering around the world can celebrate from prisons and hospitals and sickbeds. The knowledge that the pain of this life can't be compared to the glory to be revealed in us is a powerful reason to rejoice. Death has already been defeated. 

Those who have accepted the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ for their salvation will never die.

They just change residence. All creation awaits the moment the Lord returns to finish the redemption, which is the resurrection of their bodies to eternal life. When our existence is viewed through lens of eternity, every day is worth celebrating! Gratitude fills us with joy and puts every event of our lives into proper perspective. Then we can cherish our good memories for the treasures they are and bear the indignities of today knowing they will pass. 

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 

- Romans 8:18

Until then, we work...and rest.

Our duties will be there as long as we have others who depend on us. Cookies and lefse may or may not happen. Christmas cards are looking iffy. The yearning for the glow of Christmas past will still haunt us at times.

But Today is filled with the joy of hope because Jesus came two thousand years ago. A new Future awaits!

The Safest DIY Facemasks May Need This

The current SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus pandemic has brought many people to a place they thought they'd never be: wearing a facemask as part of their daily routine. The shortage of medical masks has sparked a movement to create do-it-yourself masks. Volunteers and entrepreneurs have sprung up on social media sites offering to sew masks for medical facilities and the general public.

Homemade masks vary greatly in style and construction. According to Reuters Health, the best facemasks may require layers of different fabrics. Results of a recently published study indicated that the most effective masks are those constructed of a high-thread-count cotton combined with layers of natural silk or chiffon. Those masks were found to be 80% to 99% effective in blocking particles.

Research scientist Supratik Guha and his colleagues found that cotton combined with polyester spandex chiffon created static electricity that might help stop aerosolized particles from reaching the nose. Researchers also discovered that quilted material also was an effective material for masks, perhaps due to the tangled nature of the batting fibers.

Guha stressed that the best fabric isn't good enough if the fit of the mask is poor. It's important to ensure that the gaps around the face are minimized, although still allowing for the release of exhaled air.

Ideal DIY Facemask May Require Multiple Layers of Different Fabrics - Medscape - Apr 27, 2020.

Three Things People Say that Make a Caregiver Cringe

What do I need? Where do I start?

During our twenty-one years of dealing with disability, people have taken really good care of our family. So I have hesitated to share today's post, thinking that it may make us appear ungrateful.

Believe me, we appreciate every good thought, prayer, and action taken on our behalf over the years. We are truly thankful for the caring people who surround us.

It is written, however, not to complain but to encourage others who might want to help their caregiver friends but don't know how to reach out effectively. Here's a few ideas of what caregivers need -and don't need- to hear from their concerned friends and loved ones. I've included some ideas that my friends have concocted for us that saved our sanity and made us feel truly loved.

1. "Let me know if there's anything you need."

On any given day, I pretty much need everything: rest, hope, money, respite, the weeds pulled in my flower garden. But I'm not likely to call you anytime soon. Our situation has taken so much of our dignity over the years, I just can't ask anyone for more. It's hard to always be the ones in need, so I will probably politely thank you and leave it at that.

I also know that most of our friends and family would gladly help out if they knew what to do. A great way to really assist your caregiver friend is to not wait for that phone call.

Just do something.

Don't worry if it's the right thing. They'll love you for trying, even if it's not really what they needed. Instead of a vague offer of help, pick out something specific and do it. For example, you can ask, "What is your favorite pizza and would Thursday night be a good time to drop it off for you? Or, "I'm thinking of weed eating a few weeds this weekend. Could you use an hour of weed whacking around your yard, too?" Drop off a deli tray or a plate of brownies. Stick a prepaid card in the mail for a meal at a restaurant that does takeout or curbside pickup.

Once when our son was being released from the hospital after suffering a particularly bad infection, a friend dropped off a gallon of milk, toilet paper, and a take-and-bake pizza. She didn't stay long, because she knew we were exhausted. And the pizza could be refrigerated until we were ready to cook it. What an awesome and thoughtful thing to do.

Recently, I had out-patient surgery. Two of my dear friends, who know that I can't ask for help, took charge. Because my husband had to keep up the caregiving at home, one friend drove me to the hospital, waited while I had the procedure, and drove me home. She also brought food for the frig. After I returned home, another friend babysat me for the afternoon while I rested. She brought food, too. I can't begin to tell you how much these two did to ease my recovery and restore my soul.

Helping out a caregiver doesn't have to be expensive, involved, or time-consuming. Just the fact that you took the time to reach out is healing to a family scoured out by overwork and sorrow. Sometimes that can be achieved by simply sending a card in the mail to let them know you're thinking of them or a Facebook message of encouragement.

2. "Be sure to take care of yourself."

Um, okay. I'm trying. But who will do my job for me while I get that pedicure?

Believe me, caregivers know that they need to take care of themselves. But most day, theys are too busy just keeping their heads above water as they are swept down Urgent River. It's like telling a drowning person to take time for himself. He can't do that. He's busy drowning. What he needs is to be pulled to safety, not a haircut.

A great alternative would be, once again, to put feet to your concern. See number one for ideas. Anything you can do to relieve some of the caregivers' burdens can give them a chance to find time for themselves.

You can also ensure that a caregiver is pampered by pampering her yourself. Soon after our disabled son returned home after his accident, a group of my friends threw me a shower at a friend's house. We ate together, they washed my feet, and they showered me with gifts. After all the weeks of standing beside our son as he fought for his life, I had almost forgotten how to do anything but exist in pain. The gift of an afternoon with my precious friends reminded me how wonderful it is to be alive.

3. "You should get out more"

This one is right up there with the previous comment. Obviously, if we could get out more, we would. Caregivers are not only too busy, they are often too tired to keep up much of a social life. This is part of the sacrifice they willingly make to serve their loved one. They understand what they are giving up, and they are willing to do it, which may seem incomprehensible to others.

Caregiving often leads to a sense of isolation and loneliness. Instead of shaming them for not being able to make the extra effort to socialize, consider how you can draw the circle that brings them in. 

Use some creativity if you can't figure out how to get them away for a respite. Why not give them a "shower" in their own home, so they don't have to find an alternate caregiver? You could gather a few friends, replenish their kitchen or bathroom necessities, and have some fun in the process. Or host an evening of bunco or a"movie night" in their living room. Have a barbecue in their back yard and give it a Caribbean theme. Take your life group to their place for a Bible study. Fill their house with laughter and love for a couple of hours and let them be refreshed. Just be sure to ask about any special considerations for their loved one.

Once an acquaintance who loves to cook insisted on preparing a multi-course dinner for us at our house. He even wore a chef's uniform and served us as we sat around the table and took in the wonder of it all. The meal rivaled anything we could have ordered at a restaurant.

What most people who care for others need is, really, just to be remembered on some level. 

Just the fact that you reached out and let them know they are not alone is priceless. Your expression of concern can be as individual as you are. Make it simple, or make it a multi-course dinner. What will matter is the knowledge that someone cared.

When We Reach for Uncommon Goals

It is shortly after midnight when I am awakened by the shrill beep of the backup battery at my bedside. 

As my brain struggles to emerge from of a deep sleep, a shudder runs through me. That sound can only mean that our power is out again.

We live in rural Idaho, a beautiful place teeming with wild critters (most of whom are actual animals) and nature. But sometimes nature betrays us here. And when it does, it's often the spring storms that plunge us into the dark. Twice this month, wind and rain have taken out our power.

And because our adult son Kevin has depended on a ventilator to sleep since his spinal cord injury in 1997, a power outage is a big problem for us. After his accident left him paralyzed from the neck down, Kevin was initially completely vent-dependent. But he surprised the medical world by regaining much feeling and movement. After two years of needing the ventilator for every breath, he was able to wean off for all his waking hours. He stills goes back on the ventilator at night. Without it, he can't sleep.

In the beginning, every power outage panicked us. 

It meant "bagging" him by hand with the same type of ambu bag used by emergency personnel until the electricity was restored. After he could breathe on his own, it meant staying awake until we had power again.

Over the years, we bought a couple of generators in an effort to find a way to let Kevin sleep in an emergency. These were cumbersome and loud. We graduated to deep-cell batteries and a pure sine inverter with which to keep his equipment safely running through the outages.

But an outage meant someone had to know how to switch everything over to battery power. Even with short-term battery backup until we got the other equipment in place, it was still cumbersome.

So Kevin began researching solar power. He did all the research himself, consulting with techs and combing through reviews and YouTube DIY videos. He spent hours learning how solar power works and the best system to safely power sensitive medical equipment.

It took him two years to assemble the needed supplies. He and his father brainstormed how to set up the system for the most efficient and safe conversion of sun power to electricity. They made the system off-grid so there would be no possibility of dangerous feedback to the power lines.

Hello, Idaho; nature calls.

Recently the system was finished, and before we even had a chance to take it on a test run, nature provided the opportunity. When the power flickered and died shortly after midnight. Kevin's dad Aaron, who stays up every night to ensure Kevin's safety on the ventilator, made the changeover to the solar-powered battery with a couple of switches.

To our relief, the system worked perfectly. Kevin stayed on the ventilator all night, and by the time he got off it, the system had already recharged the batteries, so they were ready for another night.

This week, it happened again. 

Once again, the system performed without a hitch.

Kevin has made a couple of additions that now allow him to safely charge his smaller devices, such as his phone and touch-pad, directly from the battery bank.

This morning, I'm grateful for a son who has taken intelligent charge of his own safety. I'm grateful for a husband who was willing to be his hands and feet in building the system. I'm thankful for the opportunity to watch them work together for a common goal. I'm inspired by this example of caregiving at its purest, as I watch a father assist his disabled son reach uncommon goals.

Tonight, other trials may keep me awake. But Kevin's independent spirit has made it possible to sleep better, knowing he will.

Leave No One Behind

It was another one of those calls.

My elderly father had just had another serious medical "event," resulting in CPR and an ambulance ride to the hospital. I needed to go be with him and my stepmother.

I opened a drawer in the early morning semi-darkness and grabbed a pair of jeans. I dressed quickly and quietly, trying not to disturb my sleeping husband. I pulled on the nearest pair of socks and my most comfortable shoes, not knowing how long I would be at the hospital.

I pretty much lived in those jeans for the next few days.

One day, during a conference with the medical team caring for Dad, I suddenly became aware that my jeans felt short. I looked down and saw red deck stain blotches on the front of the denim. Then came the moment of realization: I had pulled out a pair of old denim capris that I wore last summer for painting projects outside. As a finishing touch, the cuffs had come unrolled, hitting just above the ugly black socks that stuck out of my tennis shoes.

Nice.

The worst part is that I didn't even care. My husband and I are already caregivers for a quadriplegic son. I take care of all of the nursing needs, and my husband stays up all night, every night, to ensure that our son is safe while he sleeps on the ventilator.

I have lots of days that are fashion fails. Caregiving is our life, our normal. We have done it for over two decades and are happy to do it. But it leaves little strength or emotional energy for anything else.

And 2017 was full of anything else. Health issues with my father and stepmother dominated the summer months, along with their major move to a new home closer to family and medical care. Our daughter was hit in two separate auto incidents that were determined not to be her fault. The second one totaled her car.

Then December hit with a vengeance. 

Our son developed two infections, and it took all our strength to keep him out of the hospital. Just as he began to recover, Dad passed out in -conveniently- the doctor's office. He was revived with CPR on the floor of the examination room and taken to the hospital by ambulance. He was admitted for observation, and we began the familiar juggling act to keep everything going at home and staying by my dad and step-mom's side. Our daughter navigated caregiving, a job change, and her own health issues.

Then, as the old year closed and a new year dawned, new and darker challenges assaulted us.

Here we are, in March, still deep in trial and work and sorrow. I cling to hope, believing against the crush of circumstances that God will deliver us as He always has. But these trials have reminded me in a profound way that I will not make it without Him. This old warrior is tired.

This is the reality of caregiving. 

If you're a caregiver, you probably walk a similar path. Sometimes it's a smooth, blessing-filled journey. Other times, it's all-out war, a battlefield filled with smoke and blood and the weeping of the wounded. This is the place where fashion fails and platitudes and casual Christianity are meaningless. Here the offers of prayers are taken seriously, where a simple act of kindness can literally help save a life.

Here, nothing much matters except to see the Deliverer coming over the horizon.

If you're a caregiver today, remember that your service to your loved one and to God is a sacred sacrifice. It's not a glamorous job, but it's a vital one. If you can relate to anything I'm feeling on any particular day, remember you are not alone. In fact, we're not meant to do this alone. Send me your prayer requests, and I will pray for you.

Caregiving is an often lonely job. But collectively we are the army that surrounds and encourages those who fight for others. Let's make sure no one is left alone on the fields of faith to struggle alone. The soul of any nation rests on how it treats its most vulnerable, both those who are wounded and those who care for them.

Leaving the Shadowlands Behind

When our son Kevin was injured in a fall nearly two decades ago in another country, all I cared about was keeping him alive and getting him home. Once his condition stabilized, he was flown to a hospital in the States. We nearly lost him twice in the ensuing days. Eventually he again stabilized enough to be transferred to a rehabilitation hospital. The staff there told us what to expect when he came home and prepared us to deal with his extensive medical needs.

Learning to cope with the emotional and spiritual cost was more difficult. We struggled through long seasons of despair and loss as we cared for Kevin year after year. We slowly learned to surrender our dreams in exchange for God's plans. We eventually moved from denial to grief to acceptance.

Finding joy was a surprise.

Everyone told us caring for him would be impossible. No one told us that caring for him would bring us joy. In the years since his injury, we have learned much about courage in the process. Kevin has fought for his faith as valiantly as he fought for his life. He built a 3-D graphics studio with his brother and founded a popular Christian music website. He lives each day with trust and without complaint.

Certainly these years have been hard. But when I see Kevin laughing as he races us in his wheelchair on a seaside boardwalk, taking his dog for a stroll, working with press agents and music companies and recording artists, or rolling down the aisle to be his brother's best man, I am reminded of all the beauty no one told me to expect.

Today, if you're a mom or dad or grandparent or spouse to someone who needs a caregiver, I want you to know this:

Caring for others is the most important job you will ever have.

The life of another human being is in your hands. Your work is important, unseen, and sacrificial. Your dreams for tomorrow have been set aside for the realities of today. You endure incredible daily stresses, often alone. Sometimes it feels like no one cares for you, and it would be easy to let the night fall on your faith.

But you can leave the shadowlands behind, because Someone does care for you.

There is no place so dark that God can't find us. 

I know, because I've been there. But He wouldn't let me stay in the shadows. Thank God for giving me renewed hope and light for the journey! May He grant you light and joy for yours.

Can We Predict When a Person Is No Longer Useful to Society?

You could call it ironic.

Decades ago, a doctor by the name of Henry Heimlich read an article about people dying from choking on food in restaurants. Dr. Heimlich eventually developed a procedure to help dislodge food from a choking person's windpipe by applying abdominal thrusts, first described in 1974.

Variations of the procedure have been incorporated into first aid training for years, although its effectiveness is now in debate. But that didn't stop the doctor from springing into action in May of this year, when a woman seated next to him began choking on a piece of meat during a meal.

The Associated Press reported that Heimlich was having dinner when he noticed that the woman seated next to him began to get pink in the face and appeared to be choking. He got up behind her and began the Heimlich maneuver. A piece of hamburger with a bone in it popped out.

The woman, Patty Ris, was reported to be feeling fine afterward and credited Dr. Heimlich with saving her life. She was convinced that God had seated them side-by-side that day.

The irony of saving a person with his own procedure in a community setting should be especially sweet for this doctor, because Dr. Heimlich is now ninety-six years old, and the incident occurred at a senior living center in Cincinnati, Ohio, where he is a resident.

Who would have guessed that an elderly man in a senior center would be a lifesaver? How many times had workers and visitors walked by him and seen only an old man?

It's a good example of why society should not be allowed to be the judge of the boundaries on a person's usefulness. Indeed, usefulness to society should not be the criterion for care in the first place.

A life should be valued for its existence alone.

But that is often not the case in our culture. So bravo to Dr. Heimlich for reminding us that we have something to offer to others, regardless of our age and our physical or mental abilities. Thanks for reminding caregivers and health care providers that we serve humanity when we care for others. A lifetime of rich experiences and relationships and expertise may reside in the most humble of humans.

Thanks, Dr. Heimlich, for encouraging others to see every person as vital, regardless of age or ability.

Thankful For Caregivers: A Poem

 Thankful For Caregivers
by Grace Thorson

I'm thankful for your ears that listen to my everyday plight,
I'm thankful for your perseverance throughout each night,
I'm thankful for your early-morning rising at dawn's first light,
With remembrance, I thank my caregiver for their day-to-day fight.

I'm thankful for your humble attitude against the daily grind,
I'm thankful for your encouraging words that always free my mind,
I'm thankful for your nursing skills that keep us intertwined,
With gratitude, I thank my caregiver for they are one-of-a-kind.

I'm thankful for your gentle prodding that forces me into motion,
I'm thankful for your honest soul in showing sincere emotion,
I'm thankful for your big heart because it's as deep as the ocean,
With love, I thank my caregiver for their ceaseless devotion.

In honor of all caregivers to their family members and patients,
thank you for all that you do! You are such a blessing!

November: National Caregiver Month

Did you know that November is National Caregiver Month? In all honesty, neither did I, not until my Mom shared that bit of info with me. It's probably not something that most people know about or truly remember. We should, though. It's not a thought that you can just brush under the rug, because more than likely, you know a caregiver. According to studies, there are millions upon millions of caregivers in America that work 24/7 with their own family members. That's quite the number!

If you have a little extra time today, I would encourage you to appreciate a caregiver in your life. It doesn't have to be huge, just a simple gesture to let someone know that you're there is often enough. But, in case you're not sure on how to help your friend, you can do these things for him or her:

1) Show them your appreciation by sending a thinking of you card.
2) Gift them a special mug, gift card, or devotional.
3) Send them a personal message on Facebook with words of encouragement.
4) Lift them and their family up in prayer.
5) Give them a hug and a smile.
6) Offer to pick up their groceries and run misc. errands.
7) Do they need a wheelchair, walker, or even a heated blanket? With their permission, start a fund to supply that needed item.

In 2014, I wrote an article on 16 Things To Do For A Weary Caregiver. If you feel led in helping us spread this appreciation to others, be sure to read my article (provided as a link above). In all truth, there are many ways that you can show a caregiver in your life some appreciation during this month. Just remember to do whatever feels best, and I'm sure that caregiver in your life will feel cherished.

Most of all, though, caregivers just need your love. Be there for a caregiver, and they won’t feel alone. And I'm sure that because of your kindness, they will know that someone out there cares about their well-being. So what are you waiting for? Go on! Cheer on a fellow friend or family member today!

In honor of caregivers everywhere, author and caregiver Pam Thorson is offering her newest book in a Goodreads giveaway. Enter for a chance to win one of ten paperback, signed copies of "Out from the Shadows: 31 Devotions for the Weary Caregiver." To put your name in the hat, click here to join other Goodreads members in the drawing.

Ten Things Caregivers Deserve from their Healthcare Providers: A Nurse’s Wish List

The medicine has become a bewildering world for both patients and their families. Often they endure as much suffering from medical procedures and drugs as they do from their disease or disability. Our responsibility as healthcare providers is to mitigate their pain as much as possible as we provide medical care.

This November, as we celebrate National Family Caregiver’s Month, we’re offering ten ways that healthcare providers can relieve the stress caregivers endure as they care for their loved ones.

As a nurse and full-time caregiver myself, here is my wish list of what caregivers everywhere deserve:

1. Two ears, turned all the way up.

Someone to listen is often the most important need of the caregiving family. If we are paying attention, the family will tell us what they need. Sometimes it’s not what they called about.

2. A teamwork approach. 

Acknowledge their knowledge. We may think we know what’s best for them. But giving them a voice will help them to both deliver and receive for themselves the best care possible.

3. Real words. 

Our caregivers are intelligent people learning a new language. Sometimes it just takes a bit of translation.

4. A streamlined approach whenever possible. 

A lot of unorganized information thrown at a person is overwhelming, as is the stress of trying to negotiate the bewildering world of programs. Help them target what may work best for their situation.

5. Everyone on the same page. 

It’s frustrating to call three different times and get three different answers. Knowledgeable medical staff is a must.

6. Longsuffering. 

Have patience with those struggling to grasp medication changes, physical therapy orders, or application instructions. The person we’re talking to may have just been up all night with an ailing spouse or child. They may be elderly themselves and dealing with their own health issues. You may be the only person they can vent to.

7. The ability to step down from the soapbox.

It’s important to resist projecting our own agenda into their situation. Just give them what they need. 

8. Professionalism.

Give the family the dignity they deserve.

9. Empathy, not sympathy.

They should feel better after talking to their healthcare provider, not worse. We want them empowered, not pitied.

10. Quick response time.

Don’t leave them hanging without some resolution.

Book Review: Out from the Shadows

Out from the Shadows: 31 Devotions for the Weary Caregiver by Pam Thorson. 5 Stars

Out from the Shadows is a devotional with thirty-one inspirational segments. Each chapter includes a verse at the beginning, a short life lesson, a personalized prayer, and a section for private reflections. Written by author Pam Thorson, she offers Caregivers a peaceful reprise from their weary-laden days.

Released through Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas, Out from the Shadows serves to bring devoted Caregivers out from the darkness and into the light of hope.

{My Thoughts}

I know that in writing this review, I will be a bit biased in favor of my Mom’s book. I would say that you’re probably right, but I wanted to give her one, anyways. Since I’m a book reviewer, I couldn’t possibly say no to adding my own thoughts to her two titles (her first book is Song in the Night). Putting that all aside, I wanted to pen an honest and detailed analysis of Out from the Shadows.

While Out from the Shadows is geared towards Caregivers, it is not exclusive to that niche. Anyone can pick up a copy of this title and find the same encouragement from within. What I liked most about this devotional, is the secluded area for my own personal reflections. There’s a set of five questions arranged at the end of every chapter with extra lines for written notes. Love it when a devo has this! I am inadvertently a notetaker, so I need lots and lots of space for my writing.

I like to list my favorite devotionals/chapters and book quotes into my book reviews. Here’s mine for Out from the Shadows - Chapter One: Jimmy’s Hunger. This chapter is dear to my heart because it’s a true tidbit from the childhood of my Grandpa – an amazing man of God. I don’t want to reveal why, exactly. You will need to read it and find out for yourself. Favorite book quote is, “My dad’s hunger for God inspired my own search for life’s meaning. His determination to break free has challenged me to wear my heavenly Father’s name with integrity and leave a legacy my family can be proud to claim.”

The book cover is perfect for the theme surrounding Out from the Shadows. I’m reviewing the paperback copy, so I can really see the transition from black to white on the image. It portrays a beautiful message to Caregivers that we can walk out from beneath our burdens and into a state of joy.

I am honored to be a part of my Mom’s authorship. Being her Office Assistant has been a blessing, and I wanted to honor her hard work with my acknowledgment in this book review.  Normally, I mention if I received a book in exchange for my honest review. In this case, I bought a copy of Out from the Shadows for my own use without the agreement of writing a book review. In other words, I did not receive a copy from the author or publishing house in exchange for a review – still honest, however! Hehe.

There is obviously no area on Amazon for any autographed copies of my Mom’s books. If you’d like a signed paperback edition of Out from the Shadows, please send me an e-mail here. Be sure to also read Pam Thorson’s first self-published book, Song in the Night: One Family’s Journey from Darkness to Dawn – a true life chronicle on our family’s response to a tragic accident.

You CAN Thrive

"That you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." -Ephesians 3:17-19

Rooted in Love: You CAN Thrive

 Practical Tips for Successful Caregiving

When our son was paralyzed in a fall back in 1997, we were told it would be “impossible” to care for him at home. We were determined that he wasn't going to a nursing facility, though. He came home with us after his discharge from the hospital, and he has been at home ever since. We are thankful for the support of family, friends, and the medical community which have helped make the “impossible” a reality. Every day we are thankful to a faithful God who has taught us this:

“For with God nothing will be impossible.” – Luke 1:37 NKJV

“Possible,” however, doesn’t mean “easy.” Caregiving is a marathon, an ongoing investment in the life of another human being. Since our son’s medical needs require twenty-four-hour supervision, it has been imperative that we develop strategies to cope with the pressure.

Over the years, I’ve learned some vital practical tips for keeping sane. Today I want to share one tip that has helped me.

Simplify your home. 

I know that's lots easier to say than to do. Especially if you're a new caregiver, you may feel like you have the energy for anything else. But life beyond caregiving does go on. Along with caring for your loved one, there are bills to pay, birthdays to remember, and appointments to make. I recently had to spend hours digging through twenty years of non-digital photos for a memorial service for a relative. Nothing was in the right place. Nothing was dated. What a mess! It was my reminder that a couple of simple changes could have kept this from happening.

Hopefully, I learned my lesson.

Trust me. Life is easier if you get organized.

1. Use what’s on hand. 

Get shoe boxes (or plastic tubs if you want to invest in them). Label them “Pics,” “2015 Receipts,” etc. Set them in a place where they will be easily accessible. When you run across a receipt, photo, or anything else you need to save, throw it in the right box right then and there.

2. Label photos immediately. 

Take the extra 30 seconds to write a date and any other pertinent info on the back of non-digital photos before you toss them into the abyss of a box. Believe me, there will come a time someone will thank you for that.

3. File, file, file. 

Place important papers and medical information in file folders and 3-ring binders. Don’t turn this into a project. Just grab some folders at the store, label them, and put them in a drawer or box that you can keep handy. The important thing is to get into the habit of tossing things in the right place right away, before they get lost in a pile or, God forbid, thrown away.

If you’re tech savvy, you can take screenshots or digital pics of bills and papers and file them digitally. Be sure to back them up on a system like the cloud, external hard drive, or flash drive.

The important thing is to know yourself. Don’t set up a system that you’re not going to use. I’m old-school, and that’s why I love using file folders and boxes. It’s so easy to just pitch them in their proper place. But do what works for you.

4. Communicate. 

Keep a large calendar in the kitchen with a pen and sticky notes nearby. This way, family members post their appointments and events on the calendar so everybody knows what’s going on for a particular day. 

Let's get started!

Just doing these things should help relieve the mental burden of trying to coordinate a home and caregiving duties. We'll be sharing more as we explore how to survive - and even thrive - as caregivers.

Guest Writer: Linda Brendle

Bearing the pain of others | by Linda Brendle

My goal in life was not to become a caregiver. However, when my loved ones had a need, I stepped in to help.

Whether by small increments as the need progresses, or suddenly because of a catastrophic event, many of us become caregivers regardless of our intentions. Those of us who have been drafted into such a role, in searching for some meaning, often lean on Romans 8:28:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

There is comfort in Paul’s words, but when you find yourself in the middle of hardship, it’s difficult to see how even God can find any good in your circumstances. As I watched Mom and Dad slip away into the abyss of dementia, I knew there was nothing good about Alzheimer’s. Still, through my experiences, God worked for my good and His purposes.

One good thing God did was to teach me the real meaning of Proverbs 3:5-6 which says:

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

For most of my life, I found security in control. The need for control increased as I cared for Mom and Dad. I developed what I believe is a common, if often subconscious and always misguided, belief among caregivers that, if I did everything just right, my parents would get well. While this might be the case with some illnesses or injuries, it is not the case with Alzheimer’s. I soon learned that I had no control over anything. For a co-dependent like me, letting go of the reins, even if they were connected to nothing, was a terrifying thing. However, God understood, and He worked for my good and His purposes in all things in my life – even in caregiving and Alzheimer’s.

Another good thing that came out of my caregiving experience is that I have a story to share. “Story” is the modern word for what we used to call testimony, but whatever you call it, God can use your story when you share it.

Becoming an author was not one of my life goals either, but after I became a caregiver, I often sought advice from Aunt Fay. She had cared for both her mother and her husband, and one thing she advised was to keep a journal, because one day my experiences might be of help to someone else. I wrote sporadically, mainly after a particularly trying day, but when we planned an epic RV trip, I decided to keep a daily journal. That journal eventually became my book which is titled A Long and Winding Road: A Caregiver’s Tale of Life, Love, and Chaos. Here’s a brief look at what the book is about.

“Sometimes, reality really bites. Alzheimer’s has wrapped Mom’s brain into knots; vascular dementia has attacked Dad, and instead of carefree retirees, we have become caregivers. Regardless, dreams die hard, and we somehow stumbled into the purchase of a forty-foot motor home. That’s when all four of us set out on this seven-week trek across sixteen U.S. states. Now, Dad stopped up the toilet again, Mom wet her last pair of clean jeans, and David just announced he was hungry. My head is beginning to pound, and I know this isn’t going to be the easygoing retirement we imagined for ourselves.”

Linda Brendle takes you on a roller-coaster ride of emotional and spiritual challenges that many families are facing right now. Co-dependency, mental breakdowns, and finding love after divorce are just a few of the issues weaved into this journey of caregiving.

At its simplest level, my book is an entertaining story. My somewhat skewed perspective on life sometimes makes people laugh, so I intentionally included as much humor as possible. When going through the valleys, you have to laugh whenever you can. Solomon said, A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Generally speaking, dry bones don’t make very good caregivers.

At a deeper level my book offers caregivers the comfort of knowing they’re not alone. It also gives them the permission to share their own story and to admit that caregiving is hard. Even Moses couldn’t carry the burden of the children of Israel alone. During the battle against Amalek, Moses’ arms grew tired, so Aaron and Hur stood on either side of him and supported his arms. Without their help, the Israelites would have lost the battle. In Galatians 6:2, Paul tells us to Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. People can’t help you bear your burdens if you don’t share them, and someone who is watching you may be reluctant to share her burdens if she thinks you have none.

At a third level my book encourages caregivers to take care of themselves and to continue to have a life of their own. It also offers the hope that, with God’s help, life can go on in spite of whatever trial you are facing.

In Joel 2:25 God makes this promise to the Israelites: I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten. While this was a specific promise to a specific group of people, I believe we can apply the principal to our lives today. That principal gave me hope that there would be life after caregiving, but in order for there to be life after caregiving, you have to live through it. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first, and you have to maintain a life of your own.

When we are in the middle of hardship, it’s difficult to see what possible good even God can bring out of our situation. Paul gives us clues as to what a couple of those purposes might be.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Ephesians 2:10  

Ravi Zacharias once asked a group of church leaders this question: What portion of the world’s pain has God called you to bear? I don’t believe that God gave Mom Alzheimer’s, but I believe, in His sovereignty, He prepared me to care for her and to help bear her pain. He also prepared me to share my story and to help bear the pain of other caregivers.

When God shows you what work he has prepared for you to do and what portion of the world’s pain He has called you to bear, remember to lean on God rather than your own understanding. Then, share your story and help comfort someone with the comfort you have received from God.

About Linda:

After fifteen years as a family caregiver, Linda began writing to encourage, inspire and amuse other caregivers. She loves to travel and since retiring has traveled mostly by motorcycle and RV. She and her husband live in a small East Texas town where she gardens, writes, and works as part-time secretary for her church.

Find Linda at:

Website: http://www.LifeAfterCaregiving.WordPress.com

Twitter: www.Twitter.com/LindaBrendle/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/linda.brendle

Google+: http://goo.gl/5Ov8qo

Goodreads: http://goo.gl/SeqyBz

Links:

Book Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQU4LNJ5scY

Author Video (Tour of RV): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zUCl59eFA4

Read an Excerpt: http://anaiahpress.com/WindingRoad.html

Buy the Book (In paperback or Kindle): http://www.amazon.com/Long-Winding-Road-Caregivers-Chaos/dp/0990908577/ref=tmm_pap_title_0 
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20983741-a-long-and-winding-road

What Caregivers Really Love

If you know someone who is a caregiver, you've probably had the frustration of wanting to help but not knowing what you can do. In the past, we've shared some ideas for helping a caregiver you love.

This past Valentine's Day reminded me of one simple thing you can do that will really mean a lot.

Give them a special dinner.

Years ago, my mother and my eldest daughter conspired to put on a "Sweetheart Dinner" for the family on Valentine's Day. It was a sit-down dinner, complete with candles and the good dishes. Each person had a valentine on their plate. They decorated the table beautifully and made a lovely meal.

It was a hit. On a day usually reserved for celebrating passion and romance, it was refreshing to see the family expressing Godly devotion for each other. We continued it for years.

Then our daughter left home, got married, and started her own family. Our son was paralyzed in an accident, and we became his full-time caregivers. The sweetheart dinner fell to the wayside for us. But our daughter continued it with her family.

This year, on a whim, I revived it in our own home. We made a simple meal, lit the candles, and made sure there were plenty of flowers and candy.

Once again, it was a hit. As I thought about it later, I realized why. People aren't used to having others do something lavishly nice just for them, just because they have value in someone's eyes.

Caregiving is a lonely job. It's easy to feel lost in the duties and hard work. It's tough to hang on to our own sense of person-hood sometimes on this journey.

If you really want to encourage someone you know who is a caregiver, give her (or him) a sit-down dinner. The food doesn't have to be exotic. Just light lots of candles, use the good dishes, and let her know that she is appreciated and loved for who she is.

You don't have to spend a lot of money, either. Be creative. Instead of gifts at the plates, set out little scrolls of inspirational Bible verses or quotes from your favorite authors, tied with ribbons. If they can't leave their own homes, take the dinner to them. Sit down with them, listen to their stories, and enjoy a leisurely meal. It doesn't even have to be at a holiday. You can make any day a celebration by bringing joy into the gray lives of someone around you.

Yes, it will challenge you to step beyond your comfort level--just like they have to do every day.

The idea that you cared enough to invest time in them will refill their tired souls. Caregivers know how precious time is. It will bless them.

I promise.

There's Always Room for Hope

© Jules315 | Dreamstime.com - Superman Photo

I love these kinds of surprises.

"I think he can do much more than he's doing now," the physical therapist said as she helped my thirty-six-year-old son through a series of exercises. "I've seen people with a lot less do a lot more."

Music to my ears.

It's been over seventeen years since my son Kevin suffered a spinal injury in a fall. He was originally paralyzed from the neck down and was on life support for two years.

Today he can walk with help, run a computer, feed himself some foods, and feel or move nearly every part of his body.

Not paralyzed, just really tired.

His older brother Erik likes to joke that Kevin's not actually paralyzed, just "really tired."

He worked very hard during the first years to wean off the vent during his sleeping hours, move his body again in small ways, and fight off the regular complications of a high-level spinal cord injury.

Then his progress seemed to plateau. He and the family, now full-time caregivers, got too tired and discouraged to keep on fighting for a return to a normal body.

Kevin turned his attention to building a new life. We fell into a new kind of normal, accepting and enjoying the life we have. We've just been thankful to have each other and the good health to be home together.

Then a recent succession of injuries in the family forced us to reconsider transfer options. The Hoyler lift was out. Kevin can sit and walk to and from the wheelchair with help. An online search revealed that a lot has changed since Kevin was first injured in 1997. There's some awesome adaptive equipment out there.

A different kind of super man.

So Kevin has been traveling to an outpatient facility in a nearby city. There, we've been encouraged to believe again in what we've suspected all along: Kevin can do more. What amazing news for a man who was dubbed by one of his original surgeons as "another Christopher Reeve." For those of you who don't know who that is, Christopher Reeve was an actor who played the part of the comic book hero Superman in the movies. In 1995, Reeve was thrown from a horse and suffered a spinal cord injury that nearly killed him. He was totally paralyzed from the neck down and spent the rest of his life on life support. He died in 2004 from complications of his injury.

Today, Kevin is healthy and working hard on his exercises to awaken the old muscles and strengthen the ones he uses now. We're cautiously optimistic. The physical therapists want to try out the Rifton Tram in a couple of weeks and see if it will work for transfers and increased ambulation. We'll let you know how it goes.

Here's the link for the company.

http://www.rifton.com/products/lift-and-transfer-devices/rifton-tram


Don't you love surprises?

As a caregiver, have you found that it's easy to fall into a routine and forget to push for new progress with your loved one?

What adaptive equipment have you found that makes your life easier as a caregiver?

20 Encouraging Bible Verses For Caregivers: Part 3

• "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." {1 Corinthians 15:58}
• "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." {Romans 8:28}
• "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." {Romans 8:37-39}
• "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." {Lamentations 3:21-23}
• "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." {Colossians 3:16-17}
  
  Part 1 of 20 Encouraging Bible Verses For Caregivers
  Part 2 of 20 Encouraging Bible Verses For Caregivers
  Part 4 of 20 Encouraging Bible Verses For Caregivers

A Physician Understands

Photo courtesy Erik Thorson 2014

It's a small article by a physician, but I had only read a few lines before tears sprung to my eyes. The 2010 New York Times article is entitled "Offering Care for the Caregiver," and it hit a chord with me.

Although you can find caregiver support groups online and books on caregiving, it remains a closet profession. In the United States alone there are millions of people who care for a loved one, usually without reimbursement of any kind. As the population ages, this group will grow.

We are an unreached people group. We work long hours, give up the large and small conveniences others take for granted. It's a hard life, lived mostly unseen and forgotten by society as a whole.

We do it for love. But it does feel good when someone remembers to ask how we are. If you're a caregiver today, I pray God's blessing on your hands, feet, and heart. May He give you strength for this day, and joy in the duties ahead of you.

You are remembered. Someone does care. God sees every tear, every sacrifice, every small kindness you do for others. What you do is important, life-giving work.

I just wanted you to know.

Below is the link to the Times article. I hope it encourages you as much as it did me.


http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/22/health/21chen.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&adxnnlx=1410969612-WbmgwZo7VmIg7oVYQ6aRJg