16 Things To Do For A Weary Caregiver

According to The National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, there are roughly 44.4 million caregivers in America. Odds are, you either know someone who is a caregiver, you’re caring for a family member yourself, or you will care for your parents someday in the future. Caregivers are selfless individuals, who either work alone at home or depend on family members for support. Caring for another person isn’t easy – it’s a full-time occupation. These men and women are strong, devoted, and loyal members of society.

Working singularly is the norm for most caregivers, because they prefer to tackle the situation on their own. This is understandable, as they would know best on how to care for a disabled or elderly family member. However, living as a caregiver can grow into a lonely task. Most friends or neighbors either don’t understand a caregiver’s situation or are uncomfortable on how to approach them. Caregivers don’t have to feel isolated. You can help.

Caregivers are independent and often forget to take care of themselves. They may appear to brush off help, but inwardly, they need it. Everyone appreciates a little assistance here and there. They may shy away from too much attention, but encouragement and support for their occupation is greatly appreciated. Your kindness won’t go unnoticed, and you may be the refreshing break that they need from their crazy routine.

*Note* This does not apply to every caregiver.

1. Send he/she an encouraging note card that says “I was thinking of you.”

2. Offer to make them a meal for lunch or dinner and drop it off at their residence. Or if they’d prefer, provide them with food from a restaurant.

3. Keep them in your prayers.

4. If they have kids, offer to take them on a fun outing for the day. Kids in a caregiver’s home will love the attention, and the parent/parents will relish the rest.

5. Buy them a cookbook for quick and easy recipes. Caregivers are limited on time, and this would make a great gift for their daily meals.

6. Set up an event party at their home for a game or movie night.

7. Call ahead to see if you could stop by for a brief visit. Lend an ear and listen to their story.

8. Offer to swing by and be Cinderella for the day. Make dinner, wash dishes, sweep and vacuum the floor, mow the lawn, walk the dog, clean the cat litter box, and empty the garbage.

9. Gift a journal, a candle, and a devotional to the family.

10. Surprise them with a gift in the mail. A bouquet of flowers. A coffee mug and a gift card to a coffee shop. Pamper them with a basket of bath and body products.

11. Give them a hug and a smile. Let them know through your actions that you’re there for encouragement.

12. Invite them to a support group, book club, or a Bible study. Caregivers are busy and they will be grateful for the invitation. Because of their schedule, they may decline it. This, of course, depends entirely on the caregiver’s position.

13. Offer to pick up their groceries and run misc. errands.

14. Plan a birthday party at their home. Holidays are hectic. Imagine how much more hectic it is for caregivers. Ask how you can best help them during the holidays. String lights, set up a Christmas tree, bake cookies. Put together a wonderful birthday celebration for their kids.

15. Do they need a wheelchair, walker, or even a heated blanket? With their permission, start a fund for raising money to supply the needed item.

16. Share with them these helpful websites: caregiving.com, caregiver.com, caregiversupport.org, christiancaregiversupport.com, restministries.com,

Most of all, weary caregivers need your love. Be there for a caregiver, and they won’t feel alone.

What Is an "Informal Caregiver"?

Until I read Howard Gleckman's great post entitled "Informal Caregiving? Free Caregiving? Seriously?" on http://www.forbes.com, I had never heard of the term "informal caregiver." In fact, since my first baptism into caregiving with my invalid mother years ago, I have had a healthy respect for the job. In my seventeen years of caring for a disabled son, I would never have put the word caregiving together with a word as colorless as "informal."

Informal is what you wear to work on Fridays. It's sneakers and dirty jeans and hamburgers.

Informal is for when you don't care enough to give your very best.

The caregivers I know are anything but colorless. They are people capable of great devotion. Their daily lives include sacrifices that would make lesser beings tremble. They have dark days, to be sure, but the intensity of their sense of purpose and dedication can light up the room.

They feel deeply and love well. They also fall and doubt. Life for them is a roller coaster of thrills and chills.

Good, bad, and ugly, yes. But informal? Not hardly.

Is God Tired of Us?

The "lost boys" of the Sudan

My son Kevin recently watched an award-winning 2006 documentary called God Grew Tired of Us. At his recommendation, I watched it last night. Kevin told me to be prepared to cry.

I was prepared to cry. But I wasn’t prepared to grieve.

The camera follows the story of three young Sudanese men who emigrate to America from the refugee camp in which they have lived since their flight from Sudan years before. The film backtracks to document the violent events which killed and scattered their families and left them to survive alone. As youngsters, John, Daniel, and Panther joined the thousands of “Lost Boys” who made the long trek across treacherous terrain without food or water in search of safety in another country.

They were among the fortunate ones who survived the journey. After years in a refuge camp, they were eventually chosen to emigrate to America. Through the lens, we watch them live the joy of hope, the bewilderment of being thrust into a new culture, and the determination to build new lives in this country. I laughed as they struggled to learn how to turn on a light and tasted their first potato chips. I flinched when they wondered what Santa and a tree of lights had to do with the birth of Jesus Christ.

I cried as they walked in amazement through grocery stores bulging with food, their new American clothes hanging from their gaunt frames as a pudgy American stared at them with frank distaste. I was amazed at their love for one another, their commitment to care for those they left behind, their simple appreciation for all that we take for granted.

It was painful to hear John, in his measured and thoughtful manner, express the belief that God had grown tired of his country and had allowed chaos and death to consume his beloved Sudan. His humility was touching. I grieve for the arrogance with which we have left behind such simplicity of heart.

And it made me wonder: Is God growing tired of us? Will He weary of bestowing abundance on an ungrateful, unbelieving nation? The group that made the trek across Sudan are called “The Lost Boys.”

But I wonder who is really lost.

An Everyday Thanksgiving

 

My husband and I were talking about the world situation the other day. From recent news reports, everything appears to be going to “hell in a hand basket,” as my blessed mother would have said. I’m not sure what the phrase means, but when she used it about any particular situation, we always knew that life wasn’t going to be pretty until some serious adjustments were made.

As my husband and I talked, it occurred to us that, although things around us are bad, we really only know it’s that bad because of the news. We actually wouldn’t even know about it by looking at our lives. Sure, we have a tough situation caring for a quadriplegic son, but our lives are, in many ways (can I really be saying this?) – pleasant. We have much for which to be thankful.

This morning, I was thinking about some of our blessings in these troubled times:

• I awakened in my own bed this morning. Believe me, this is a blessing. I, as well as the rest of the family, have spent many nights wadded up in a hospital chair next to Kevin’s bed in ICU or rehab.
• God has granted us another day together. My friend Cindy, who recently lost her battle with cancer, would have been ecstatic to have had a healthy, pain-free day to enjoy with her family.
• I am in reasonably good health.
• I have a wonderful family who loves me and who is trying to serve God every day.
• We still live in a free country.
• I love my jobs: taking care of those I love and writing about the One I love.
  
• I can eat whenever I want, shower in hot water, use all the electricity I need, sleep when I feel like it, and buy the necessary things and a few extra delights like candy, pretty clothes, and home furnishings.
• My friends are awesome.

I could go on, but you get the idea. Yes, I could make a list of the things that make my life difficult, even pitiful by some people’s standards.

But Thanksgiving is such a great place to live. It really beats the alternative. Since I’ve found myself here this morning, I think I’ll just hang around awhile and enjoy the view. God seems to show up here a lot, and I’ve been looking for Him lately, anyway.

I wonder if He was waiting for me.

Never Give Up

I awakened this morning to snow…again. This is one of the longest winters I can remember, and as I face the prospect of another gray day, spring seems to be a distant hope.

The morning drudgery is brightened by a steaming cup of coffee and my quiet time. I’m reading about Joseph in Egypt. As a youth, Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers and unjustly accused of a crime against his master. It appeared that he would be in prison indefinitely, the dreams of his youth dead.

But in a day, his life reversed as God put into motion the events that would free him and bring him into the place for which God had prepared him. Those years in prison taught him humility and the grace of his Lord. Without the gray days, he would have never been ready for the job God had for him.

As I sit by my computer this morning, two dozen robins have flown in from their winter retreat to set up housekeeping. They hop along the ground like popcorn, seemingly oblivious to the cold. It doesn’t look like spring yet, but they know better. It is coming. It’s the great law of nature: Spring always comes.

Recently, the local paper did an article on Song in the Night and the story of our family. When the reporter asked our quadriplegic son Kevin if he wanted to tell something to the readers, he told her, “Never give up.” We can’t give up, because God can reverse any situation whenever He chooses. We never know how close we are to deliverance and victory. Winter never lasts forever.

Spring comes, and with it, new hope.