Pioneer Files: Magical Kingdom or Marathon?

 

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. - 1 Corinthians 9:24 (NASB)

You just think you're teaching your children.

The truth is, homeschool is as much an education for you as for your children. You're all in training, which is a good thing, though not necessarily comfortable. A certain disservice has been done to parents by those portraying home education as a kind of perpetual wonderland of discovery. It is that at times, but not without lots of plain old hard days. We are given the impression that if our children are not always having fun, it’s because we are too structured, stiff, and formal. While it's possible to overdo the boot camp mentality, and certainly there should be time for fun and pure adventure, parents should be prepared for many tedious days. This in itself is not inherently evil. Children need to gradually learn how to stay with a routine job and see it through.

This takes time, effort, and creativity. It requires prioritizing this calling above other interests. Let someone else chair the church committee. Be your own health and welfare department and ditch some of the outside responsibilities during this season of your life.

Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. -1 Corinthians 9:25 

Commit yourself to doing one thing well.

It's hard to lay aside our own ambitions for the season of child-rearing. We've been told for too long that we're not fulfilled unless we work and serve outside the home. There is also the financial cost of letting go of the extra income. Those decisions will vary from family to family. It's an amazing feeling, though, to resist the pressure to get involved in too much busyness.

Free your heart to commit to one thing. Free your mind to do it well.

Those who achieve great goals in sports, the sciences, music, and other fields do it through single-hearted concentration on the finish line. What goals do you want for your children? Understand the commitment it will take. Be prepared to pay the cost. Trust God to take your weakness and be the strength you will need for the daily battles.

Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. - 1 Corinthians 9:26-27

Never apologize for the time you take for your family.

When I began homeschooling, I soon learned it wasn't going to work unless I dedicated my energies to my children within a certain timeframe each day. Without apology. People eventually understood I wasn't generally available to chat on the phone, babysit, or run a church ministry outside the home during those hours so I could devote my energies to my family. Though most were skeptical of this venture, many were gracious. I did get the "smother mother" talk from one or two well-meaning (I assume) folks at church. The surprise was the guilt trip foisted upon me for not attending the women's ministry activities nor taking on leadership duties at church. 

Not attending the church luncheon was a no-brainer because it was in the middle of our school day. But the criticism about abandoning the church stung, because I was following the call of God and could have really used the support. Leadership is about going first. Taking new ground for the gospel. Leaving the comfort of the barracks and the safety of the mundane for the dangerous road to the mission field in my own back yard. 

Here I learned my first lesson of homeschooling: Be sure of God's calling and steel your soul to walk in it. Through these interactions, God opened my eyes to my life-long tendency to be passive in my relationships with others. I needed validation and generally strove to please people. This new journey ripped through that charade and taught me much about discerning the voice of God through the cacophony o of opinions sounding in my ears.

While it’s vital to include a broader community in your homeschooling and take time for your own emotional health, trying to “do it all” will do you in. Set your eyes on the prize, commit yourself to the race, and put on spiritual blinders to keep you from getting distracted.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Prepare for the distance. Along the way, you'll discover a kingdom truly wondrous.

Pioneer Files: The Road to Discipleship

 

A man who lives without honor will not gain from education.

Yes, Virginia, there will be difficult days.

It's best to recognize and prepare for that eventuality from the start. This isn't just about teaching your children to read and write. You're making disciples of the living God. That puts you in direct conflict with the god of this world and the natural human tendency to choose the path of least resistance.

Resistance is what you will surely encounter. You will hear the whispers of the accuser in your ear. You will feel torn by your own internal battles to sacrifice the freedom you could have simply by putting them into a public school. You will be pulled in many directions by the demands of others on your time, your other responsibilities, and the fear of getting it wrong with your children. 

You worry about being too hard on them, or too lenient. How can you possibly know the necessary fusion of resolve and tenderness in your quest to train your child without inadvertently inflicting emotional pain? You will stumble and rise again repeatedly along this journey. So will your children.

Who is becoming the disciple here?

All of you. And God has your back.

Saving the Mind

Learning involves discipline, and our natures hate the pain of training. Society already has too many forty-year-olds who have never grown up. Our job as parents is to guide that process in our children. Living things do not bear fruit until they are mature. We're the keepers of God's garden, a calling both daunting and thrilling. We get to partner with God to pass the torch of faith to a new generation and contribute to the development of our civilization. That's awe-inspiring!

The twin ideas of discipline and learning are so intertwined that the New Testament word for disciple actually means “learner.” The Greek word for discipline is suphronismos, which comes from the root suphron, meaning “to save the mind.”1.

It’s a tough to strike the right balance of work and fun in homeschooling, but it’s important to have both. Children feel honored and cherished when a grown-up takes real time with them, especially when that time is divided between work and play. Play more with the younger ones; slowly add work as they mature from level to level. But always insist on respectful attitudes toward you and each other. That's one of the greatest lessons they can learn.

Young children easily incorporate learning and play. They do need much play time in an atmosphere that is free from intimidation and stress. Most discipline for them involves learning to do simple duties around the house and learning how to respect others. They should have plenty of room and time to play. Increase their work load as their need to be challenged grows. Older children need enough work to stretch them without breaking their spirit. That work load will probably need to be adjusted to each child's strength's and abilities, while still making sure there is a general sense that you're being fair to all of them.

Yes, there will be difficult days. It's worth every tear, prayer, melt-down, and false start. It's worth your tattered soul and battered spirit. This is war for the next generation. Assault the gates of hell. The battle is the Lord's.

When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; When I became a man, I did away with childish things. 

- 1 Corinthians 13:11

 

Photo ID 316616 | © Neil Kad | Dreamstime.com

1. Vine, An Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words, p. 308.

Pioneer Files: What's the Goal?

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge.

- Proverbs 1:7

What's the first thing to do when you don't know the first thing about home education?

Listen for God's voice

You will need His guidance every day. When everyone around you is shouting, His is the voice you can trust. Practice what you want your children to learn, starting with listening to your Father. Ask His advice, read His revealed Word in the Scriptures, and follow His lead.

Set your goals

All I knew in the beginning was that I wanted our children to love Jesus first. My second goal was to give them the best education we could manage. I wanted them to learn critical thinking (the process of objectively analyzing and processing information to guide our beliefs and actions) and become contributing members of society.

Particularly if a child is older and been in a different schooling atmosphere, a parent may have to deal with some serious attitude problems. It will likely also bring to the surface any relationship issues already present in the family.

An honest parent will admit to some disturbing attitudes of his/her own to battle. Those will emerge in the heat of the day. Especially at first, a parent may spend most each day working through personality conflicts. 

If this happens to you, don't despair. This is exactly what you should be doing. Learning and teaching healthy interpersonal interactions and conflict resolution are some of the most important work we will ever do.

Forget the math quiz. In its proper role, rote learning is important, but secondary, to character-building. If you have to spend a whole morning working through a bout of sibling rivalry or teaching your children they can't manipulate you, the time is well-spent.

It will help if the child learns from the start that you won't allow study time to become a power struggle. The grown-up should be the grown-up in the room. Exert gentle but firm authority. The child has to learn to complete a task, even a distasteful one. This is the only way he will develop respect for others and the patience the real world demands. Just make sure the task isn't so far beyond his abilities that he becomes frustrated.

You will probably need to adjust your teaching goals many times along the way. Some children are ready at an earlier age for more intense study than others. The wise parent will back away from pushing him too hard and resort to more informal activities until the child is ready. With practice, you will learn the difference between a child who is a complainer and one who is truly struggling.

Do your research

There were precious few resources or curricula for us in 1982. Because I had no experience in education and needed to build a solid track record with documentation in case we received a legal challenge to our homeschool, I chose a very strict program. As home education became a legal alternative in our state and the years wore on, I stayed close to that system but relaxed our schedules.

Today there are so many ways to homeschool and such a bewildering mountain of advice and curricula, you will probably feel overwhelmed. Don't stress over picking the perfect plan. This is your school! Choose a curriculum that fits your family's style and your own goals. You will likely change things up many times along the way, anyhow.

I'm glad we taught our children to work hard, but now I truly wished we'd played more and worried less about getting everything right. I unwittingly transferred some of my own worry to them and gave them more pressure at times than they should have had. When you're slashing through the jungles of new territory, be wary of inflicting your own unintentional, incidental injuries.

Understand the battle

Speaking of battles, there will be many. When you have declared war on hell, expect resistance. It will come from all sides. Let this be your assurance you are on the right track. Remember gates only serve to keep something in or out. They do not have wings or wheels and can't advance to take new territory. They only stand or fall.

If someone you love is trapped, storm the gates. Start with prayer, walk carefully, and stay close to God. He will guide your steps. 

...upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it.

- Matthew 16:18

Commit to the long haul

Early homeschool advocates Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore once noted that homeschooling is not for the fainthearted. That, my friend, is an understatement. It is a demanding job testing a parent's strength and patience to the very limits. Probably beyond.

All commitments succeed through determination and are independent of our feelings. Most married couples lose that initial first electrical attraction as their love moves to a more mature stage. Successful marriages are built upon the work and devotion to keep their relationship vital and alive. That same hard work is necessary to develop our relationships with our children and train them for godliness.

Photo 99226413 © Mikhail Dudarev | Dreamstime.com

The Flower of Forgiveness

 

                    Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other,                                                  just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

                                             - Ephesians 4:32 NASB

Forgiveness is the gift too precious to bestow upon the undeserving. 

Yes, it feels that way, and we need to own up to it. Forgiving others is a battle.

Forgiveness would be easy if it were as simple and satisfying as accepting the offenders' humble apologies as they came crawling to us in abject brokenness. It would be (we imagine) an act of mercy to relieve the suffering of such penitents. But that scene is the stuff of fantasy conjured up by a wounded heart, rarely rooted in reality. 

Humanity, as a whole, is pretty good at making excuses for its actions and words. We’d rather enter our houses justified in our own minds than make the painful trip to humility’s doorstep to ask for forgiveness. So we stand at mutual arm’s length as we hold tight to our respective territories and await capitulation from the other side. Forgiveness is the gift we love to withhold from the undeserving until they see the error of their ways. 

Just like Jesus did on the cross.

Holding on to the offenses of others against us keeps us captive to a constant replay. We relive the pain; we bleed all over again. But this time the wounds are self-inflicted as we cut ourselves in an effort to release the pain we should be releasing in three simple words: “I forgive you.”

During His time on earth, Jesus sought to extend forgiveness to everyone who has or ever will exist. 

He entered time and space and lived His entire life with the express purpose of giving us a chance to receive forgiveness. He gave opportunity to the demon-possessed and self-righteous hypocrite alike. One of His last acts on the cross was to forgive his killers; executioners neither Roman nor Jew. The nails in Jesus’ body were put there by every dirty thought and action of His crowning creation:

You and me.

I did not ask for Him to come. I wasn’t worthy of His suffering for my wrongdoing. He forgave me long before I asked for or wanted his forgiveness. But as He waited all those years, He never once treated me like the undeserving person I am.

Throughout the centuries and to this day, He likewise extends the scepter of life to all who will reach out to touch it. As long as there is hope for repentance, He endures our blasphemies, taunts, and flagrant sins. The gift is extended; it is up to us to reach for it. We are all the undeserving; there is no one who has not needed forgiveness. Remembering our own frailties, our goal should be to live in a constant state of forgiveness, extending to others that which we have received.

Extending forgiveness frees us. What others do with the gift is their decision.

For if you forgive others for their transgressions,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others,
then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

- Matthew 6:14-15 NASB 

Photo courtesy Erik Thorson 2023

Pioneer Files: A Homeschooling Veteran Speaks

 

A man who lives without honor will not gain from education.

The summer of 1981 presented me a fourth child in ten years of marriage along with a mystery illness. I was thrilled to be a new mom again but felt something wrong in my body. After two rugged post-partum hospital stays, the doctors sent me home with more questions than answers and a batch of random medications for the infection, pain, electrolyte imbalance, and bizarre neurological symptoms. 

My mother and dear husband cared for all five of us as I fought to get back on my feet.

As I began to recover, Mom casually mentioned one day that she had read about the work of educational professionals Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore. They advocated the delay of formal education for children until the age of eight. Though homeschooling was not part of their early theory, they eventually became known as the "grandparents" of home education. 

I read their book Better Late than Early and immediately knew God was speaking. Frankly, it ticked me off. Hadn't I given enough already? Being a wife and mom was all I ever wanted in life, and I loved that calling with everything in me. 

But my body was sick and tired, and I wasn't even thirty years old. I assaulted heaven with a torrent of reasons why educating my children at home was a bad idea.

Heaven was unimpressed, unmoved by my impassioned excuses. God was calling.

I knew.

Not one person thought I was doing the right thing when I began to prepare for the fall of 1982 school year. My mother, worried about my health, was horrified and blamed herself for starting it. My husband thought it a bad idea, too, but promised his support. 

I broke down and cried the first time I tried to read the curriculum we had purchased. I didn't know the first thing about educating my children or comprehend "phonics," having learned to read with Dick and Jane. The first year, I only kept going out of stubbornness. I got through each day by promising to quit "tomorrow."

Then I burned through the resentment, surrendered to God, and began to press into the task before me. We all just learned together, including how to work together, how treat each other, how to problem-solve, and how to love our God. Watching my children's eagerness, their little heads bent over their lessons each day, captured my heart forever. The day my son read his first words while seated on my lap, I was hooked. How could I have ever imagined relinquishing this blessing to a stranger? 

My husband and I educated all five children at home, beginning in 1982 and graduating the last child in 2006. We worked hard, enjoyed each other's company, and made many wonderful memories. I cherish those days, living on the edge of faith as we pioneered in a fledging movement. Homeschooling has come a long ways from the days we had to fight to make it a legal educational alternative. 

Did we do it perfectly? Of course not. Did we all ride into the sunset on our white horses? Nope. We gained five wonderful children who have given their lives to Jesus. All our grandchildren either graduated from homeschool or are currently being home educated. Growing up together in God, at home, prepared us for the hard roads we have walked in the years since. I believe we would never have emerged victorious through the challenges we have faced, had we not had those beautiful, innocent years together. 

In the weeks ahead, I will share from my files and my heart what I learned in my nearly quarter century of home education. There will be beauty and ugly. My prayer is that something we experienced along the way will encourage you as you seek out God in your own family's life. 

Blessings,

Pam Thorson 

When Fear Is at the Door

 

Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. No one was there. – Unknown

Fear knocked at my door a lot this last decade. 

Events over which I had no control hounded me relentlessly, leaving me to feel as if I were bobbing helplessly along in a swift river toward a massive waterfall – something like Bogey and Kate in African Queen. 

Except I had the drama without the glamour. Each day I grimly pushed through the day’s challenges as I have tried to ignore the persistent pounding on my spirit’s door.

    

Some days I totally gave in to it. One week in 2012, I discovered I had a nasty infection, followed by bad reactions to each of the two different antibiotics prescribed by my doctor. One was particularly frightening. I debated whether to go to ER but settled instead on going to bed to wait out the night. My family prayed for me, released me from my share of the caregiving duties, and watched protectively as I snuggled under the comfort of my new throw (a Pier One Valentine’s gift from my dear husband) and tried to shut my eyes against the raging storm in my body.

The greater storm was the one in my spirit.

The physical pounding in my heart echoed the fear emanating from behind the door of the unknown as it rattled the doorknob and threatened to pull me into its depths.

Just then, my husband came up bearing a small container of pure, extra-virgin olive oil from the kitchen. He slipped to my side and offered to anoint me as he prayed for me. I gladly accepted. He poured a bit out and touched it to my forehead as he prayed a simple but heartfelt prayer for healing. It was nothing grandiose or commanding – just a request to his God on behalf of his beloved.

The physical storm did not immediately stop, but the spiritual one subsided as that incomprehensible peace only the Spirit can give washed over me. My husband’s intercession was the reminder I needed that God is always in control. It was his faith going to the door for me and opening it to find nothing on the other side.

The next day I felt much better and went on to recovery without incident.

That storm has been followed in the years since by others more fearsome. Each time, I am reminded our struggle is truly not a physical one, but one against the “flaming missiles of the evil one” (Eph. 6:16). In this age of lawlessness and disrespect for human life, we do not battle with the culture of death alone, but with the “spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Eph. 6:12). 

For those wars in our lives, we must put on the whole armor of God and walk in complete fearlessness, never forgetting we serve a big God who is alive, well, and fully in charge.

God is real. Fear is the shadow.

Today may God strengthen and encourage you for whatever doors you face. As you surround yourself with His armor, my prayer is He will grant us all the courage to open those doors and dispel our fears. Who knows what opportunities for God’s service and glory lie behind them?

Not to fear is the armor. 

- Ulrich Zwingli

For God has not given us a spirit of fear,
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
- 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

Photo courtesy Erik Thorson 2023